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When I first left the hospital after my second episode of schizoaffective disorder I didn’t have much of a support system other than my family. It takes time to develop supports and once I had them, I wasn’t quite certain how to utilize them as effectively as possible. Having a good support system has been a huge help during my recovery.
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One of the most important pieces I had was to first find the right clinician. After my first episode I had a clinician who over-medicated me and after my second episode, I had one who I felt wasn’t very effective with talk therapy. I finally arrived at McLean Hospital where I met with the doctor who I have now been with for six years.
Finding the right clinician took time and it was a trial and error process. First was finding someone who was effective at administering medication. I assessed this on whether the medication was helping me to achieve my life goals. My current doctor put me on a low dose of Risperidone which subjected me to some of my symptoms but subdued the side-effects of the medication enough to where I was able to hold conversations with people and participate in everyday activities. Having a low dose of medication enable to work, drive a car, meet with friends, and do things like golfing. Being able to participate in life was my benchmark for whether the medication was at the right amount.
The other facet was having to evaluate whether I was making progress in talk therapy. In talk therapy with my current doctor I began noticing signs of improvement. The continual improvement over time told me that I was with the right person.
There were times where I felt stymied; however, I looked at the overall picture from year to year and realized overall the quality of my life has improved every year. Finding the right clinician is usually a matter of how the personalities interact and how much progress is made.
The other most important support that was really beneficial to me was my family. For a couple of years after my first episode, I lived at home. In the initial stages our interactions were abrasive. My parents had to learn how to interact with me while I had symptoms.
They came to realize that I was growing as a person and didn’t want to be treated the same way I had been while I was younger. They learned to not talk about subjects that could be triggering for me which was really helpful. I didn’t have to fear I was going to have to be subjected to discussions that were going to cause overwhelming negative emotions and this made me more willing to talk with them.
Another important component was for them to tell me they were on my side. Once I heard this it changed my perception of them because at the time I didn’t trust anyone in the world other than myself and I had been suspicious of them up until that point.
For a while, I didn’t help out around the house and they were understanding about this. I didn’t have the energy or self-esteem. My parents whenever they yelled or got angry it caused us to get into arguments. I had a lot of anger welled up from trauma. They learned to talk in calm and low tones when I was worked up to help keep me calm. When they asked me to do things in an objective tone this really made me more willing to help them. Their word choice and the way they worded sentences in regards to things I was doing was really important to me. If they made assumptions about my actions it made me more disinclined to help them.
I felt like I didn’t have any control over my life during episodes so when people tried to assume control over me it reminded me of episodic times and was triggering. However, they eventually learned to word things in question format and to ask me to do things instead of telling me. Treating me like an adult who was an equal helped me to gravitate towards them instead of treating me like a child who had to obey them no matter what. When they were respectful towards me I was more respectful towards them as is the situation in most relationships.
Not using rhetorical devices was also helpful. Schizoaffective disorder is very disorienting so it was difficult for me to follow conversations. When people spoke in clear concrete sentences this helped me to understand and follow what they were saying.
My mental faculties were limited in conversations so keeping things simple made it easier for me to follow the conversation and participate in it. It also helped when my parents told me the reasons they were asking me to do things. One would assume a reason is obvious but I was somewhat paranoid after my episodes so when they gave me reasons for their requests it helped mitigate the paranoia. Also, I was struggling to find mental clarity so being given a reason to do things provided some of that clarity.
Mending my relationships with my family was a key component in helping me to recover from schizoaffective disorder. I had experienced mental health issues since I was in middle school and I had been blaming my family for all the problems I had over the course of my life. Finding forgiveness and clarity on issues that weren’t their fault helped to bring us closer.
Sometimes we had difficult conversations about different traumas I had experienced and when my parents were honest with how much they tried to help me this helped me to understand them better. It was tough to have these conversations because of the emotions that come with them but they were an essential part of mending our relationship. Hearing their honest opinions and vantage points during all these situations I had been through gave me more perspective.
The thing I realized is that they were learning how to help me just as much as I was learning how to help me. When they showed weaknesses it made them more human and it made me more understanding of them. It also was useful when they were willing to admit imperfection and take fault for things that were their fault. I eventually accepted that they’re not perfect and that no one was and this brought us closer.
The other helpful component I have had has been a good friend network. I don’t disclose my diagnosis to people when I first meet them. Once I get to know them I make that decision. I have a friend whose mom has schizophrenia so meeting her has been a blessing. She understands my situation better than most people and has known how to provide positive support.
I think my friends forget I have a mental illness and I like this a lot. They use the same language with me that they would use with anyone else and it makes me feel like I’m no different than anyone else, which is pretty much the case. They are also willing to listen to stories I have from episodes and it always helps me to be able to share these. They understand that I’m not always good in social situations so they give me more leeway which is really helpful.
I try my best but things that are obvious to others haven’t always been obvious to me but the important thing is that I make them aware of this. When they have known this they are more understanding of faux pas’ instead of getting angry about them. I also have told them my triggers and they keep these in mind when we make plans.
The other thing they help with is to not talk too much about mental health with me. We tend to avoid those subjects unless I want to talk about them, which I find really respectful and alleviating. Sometimes the best way for them to support me is to give me a reprieve and escape from all my mental health work and issues and to just have fun together.
I think overall the basis for a good support system is communication. It’s been important for me to communicate my weaknesses and/or symptoms to my support system so they can know how to interact with me. Telling them what they’re doing right has been equally important so they can continue to do those things.
It’s also helped to have transparent conversations on social dynamics between family members and sometimes friends so we can figure out how to have positive interactions with one another. Also, getting feedback from my family and friends on what their needs from me are is important for the way I interact. They also help to make me aware of things I previously was not aware of like social awkwardnesses that I’ve had. Good communication has helped me to bring issues into my doctor so I can find answers and solutions to strengthen my familial and friend relationships and become a healthier person.
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